A Side of Shayracha

In high school I was ashamed of myself, my body. If you knew me in high school that might sound weird- seeing I hid it behind bitchy bravado. But it was there. Especially in the earlier years. I've always been fat. There's a lot of reasons behind it but how I got to be fat doesn't matter- how I was treated and learned to treat myself because of it does. Kids are jerks to each other- being the fattest kid in my grade made me quite literally, an easy target. It didn't help that my older brother helped all the other kids come up with ways to torment me. There was a time "Shaysquatch" was popular and kids would pretend (or sometimes use actual spray deodorant) to "Shay spray" me.. so I wouldn't eat them. Kids would wave and then start screaming- pretending I bit off some of their fingers. Basically- it went beyond your basic name calling. I had done nothing mean to any of these people. I just existed, in my fat body. I stayed strong in school bu...

Yesterday was the day of the initial exam- it was the first of three times my feet will be in stirrups in the next 6 weeks. This doctor and I are going to be very well acquainted by the end of this- one of us should have probably bought the other dinner before all this. ANYWHO- What does the first exam consist of? Paperwork. Lots of paperwork. Well, normal amount of paperwork- family history, consent forms, general forms. Lots of signing and when your name is as long as mine- you're thankful for squiggly lines.   What it felt like.   The next step was peeing in a cup- just to make really, really sure I'm not pregnant. Now, that sounds simple enough but the clinic I go to doesn't have regular specimen cups- they use plastic little 3oz generic Dixie bath cups. So aiming into that without making a mess while squatted over a toilet was fun. My (male) fiance didn't get the challenge until I looked at him and pointed out we don't have the same set of aiming equipme...

 PCOS.. what is it? It's Polycystic Ovary Syndrome . In it's simplest form it's an endocrine system disorder that causes hormonal imbalances that, to be frank, fuck shit up. It isn't curable, but it is manageable. This is me. In a public bathroom because I'm classy. I have PCOS. You will notice, I am fat . I carry most of my weight in my midsection, which is typical for people with this disease. Most of the other physical issues PCOS cause (hair loss, excessive hair on face/body, oily skin, acne) are easily covered or treated... the fat is most noticeable to people. Because of how our society views fat people, it's vilified. People see fat and automatically assume "fat and lazy." That however, isn't the case for most women with PCOS. (Or, fat people in general, but that's a topic for another day.) PCOS fat is contributed to by Insulin Resistance . Which means while our body does produce insulin, it doesn't process it like it'...