A Side of Shayracha

In high school I was ashamed of myself, my body. If you knew me in high school that might sound weird- seeing I hid it behind bitchy bravado. But it was there. Especially in the earlier years. I've always been fat. There's a lot of reasons behind it but how I got to be fat doesn't matter- how I was treated and learned to treat myself because of it does. Kids are jerks to each other- being the fattest kid in my grade made me quite literally, an easy target. It didn't help that my older brother helped all the other kids come up with ways to torment me. There was a time "Shaysquatch" was popular and kids would pretend (or sometimes use actual spray deodorant) to "Shay spray" me.. so I wouldn't eat them. Kids would wave and then start screaming- pretending I bit off some of their fingers. Basically- it went beyond your basic name calling. I had done nothing mean to any of these people. I just existed, in my fat body. I stayed strong in school bu...

 PCOS.. what is it? It's Polycystic Ovary Syndrome . In it's simplest form it's an endocrine system disorder that causes hormonal imbalances that, to be frank, fuck shit up. It isn't curable, but it is manageable. This is me. In a public bathroom because I'm classy. I have PCOS. You will notice, I am fat . I carry most of my weight in my midsection, which is typical for people with this disease. Most of the other physical issues PCOS cause (hair loss, excessive hair on face/body, oily skin, acne) are easily covered or treated... the fat is most noticeable to people. Because of how our society views fat people, it's vilified. People see fat and automatically assume "fat and lazy." That however, isn't the case for most women with PCOS. (Or, fat people in general, but that's a topic for another day.) PCOS fat is contributed to by Insulin Resistance . Which means while our body does produce insulin, it doesn't process it like it'...

Health concern trolls, the little angels of the internet. Those who don't hate fat people, they just want everyone to be healthy ! (To them though, healthy is synonymous to skinny; ignoring every other health concern to mankind except obesity.) People who smoke? It's their body! Those who drink often? Their body! Casual drug users? Their body, they're just experimenting. Skinny people who aren't eating "right?" Well that's okay, everyone indulges! Except fat people. Any fat person, no matter how they eat or how much they move: fat is bad . Fat isn't okay, fat is unhealthy! Fat people are a plague on healthcare systems (which in America is laughable seeing we don't have universal healthcare and our care comes from our own pockets or premiums we pay for.) Fat people don't get the "it's their body" treatment. Concern trolls care. "It's science" they say, but it isn't. It's prejudice.  They don't care a...

When I say size discrimination, I'm sure different things come to different people's minds. Because of this, I'm linking what Sizeism is. Sizeism is not just for fat people. (I will focus on that though, seeing it is the form of sizeism I personally experience.) Sizeism can be against people of any size outside of "normal." If you are too fat, too tall, too short, too thin... too anything besides average, you have probably experienced a form of size discrimination against you. Size discrimination includes stereotypes that are seemingly ingrained into society as a whole. For instance, the idea that all fat people are lazy or gluttonous or that naturally thin people starve themselves. The idea that fat people are automatically unhealthy and thin people are all healthy is because of size discrimination. Size discrimination can also come in forms of hazing or harassment. It's the comments about you just for existing in the public eye. The laughter. The people thr...

I am not a "good" fat person. I used to be a good fat person, but I'm not anymore. I'm a bad fat person. A good fat person, covers up. Not because they want , but because they feel they have to. A good fat person feels shame about themselves. They are ashamed of themselves, some of them hate themselves. Some of them do dangerous things to change their fat, to be the good fatty. They not only diet and exercise, but do it to extreme amounts that it's not healthy anymore. They starve their bodies, they put their body through hell... to try and be a good fatty. A good fat person tries to hide their size. They shrink back as much as they can, try to exist as little as they can, in as little space as they possible can. A good fat person apologizes... they apologize just for existing. For being alive. For taking up space. Good fat people apologize. I'm not a good fat person. I'm a bad fat person. I'm the fat person that will NOT apologize. I also won...

Glorifying Obesity. Fat people being happy and existing in the public eye without shame is now called glorifying obesity. If you are a fat person who doesn't hate themselves, you're glorifying obesity. If you are overweight and aren't on a strict diet of lettuce and working out every single day, you're glorifying obesity. Fat people, who have decided that no, they don't have to hate themselves or hide away or apologize for existing, are GLORIFYING OBESITY.  Does anyone else truly understand how ignorant that entire idea is? Fat people who aren't ashamed of themselves aren't prancing around going "Admire me, for I am wonderful! Aspire to be exactly like me!" They aren't telling small children to stuff their faces and gain as much weight as possible. They aren't telling ANYONE "be like me, look like me!" No, they're going "Hey, I'm fat. And I deserve common decency too. I deserve to go out in public and not b...

Lane Bryant recently launched a campaign called "Plus is Equal." On the surface, it's a seems like a spectacular thing, a company who caters to plus size women calling for body diversity in the media...what could be wrong about that? (Before anyone wants to go "promoting obesity" I'd like to extend the warmest possible fuck you to you and tell you that fat people existing promotes nothing except their right to exist.) I, as a plus size woman, do believe that plus is equal. I'm a human, just like every other various sized human out there, and we ALL deserve some common decency and a good level of respect. Skinny shaming is just as wrong as fat shaming, telling a skinny person to put down a cheeseburger is just as offensive as telling a fat person to put theirs down.  Basically, I'm not an asshole and don't believe others should be assholes either. But, upon looking closer at "Plus is Equal" I have to question if Lane Bryant actu...